


Dear Uncle Meredith

by Muffie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Cussing, Getting Together, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6340219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muffie/pseuds/Muffie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teenagers can be so obnoxious, especially if she's a McKay. Or Madison Miller exchanges some email with Uncle Meredith who might want to find a bit of poetry with which to woo Jo--someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Uncle Meredith

Dear Uncle Meredith:

I am aware that she's a flautist. She's also the only other person here near my age. If you don’t quit bothering me about it, I will change my literature minor into a second major.

FYI: one does not need a penis to appreciate a flautist's superb breath control.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

No. 

I _like_ poetry.

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Oh, for God's sake. Rumi. Okay? Though considering who it is, you'd do better with Rochester. Or Donne. He's a horny bastard.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Of course I know who it is. Do you think I'm an idiot? Of course you do. And I'm 16. I can say whatever I want.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Sonnet XXX? Why do you bother asking for my help if you're going to ignore it? 

FYI: in Shakespeare's time Mistress meant _wife_. Shall I congratulate you on your nuptials?

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

1\. I am aware that "under that ridiculous mop of hair" there lies a brain "with a moderate propensity for math if nothing else"; however, XXX does _not_ automatically put Bethe equations to mind.

2\. Mrs. is short for mistress. Someone must have a copy of the OED; look it up. Interestingly enough, hussy is a short form of housewife. At least it was at one time.

3\. By definition, mistresses of any sort do not have a penis.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

There is nothing wrong with me and I don't need to be cured of my English major cooties. I would think that a physicist would appreciate precision in all things. It's not my fault that your education in the English language is in such a sadly subpar state. Pitiable, really. 

Also, I check my university records often. My major has been changed back to math and my minor has been changed to a secondary major in literature. I'm focusing on Romantic and Modern poetry. I've spoken with the registrar and my advisers about you. They will be maintaining paper records for me. Best of luck hacking that. 

I'm telling John that you obviously don't have enough things to do with your time.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Rochester is as subtle as you are. Try "The Imperfect Enjoyment."

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Are you sure you're in Mensa? 

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Ask John.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Yes, I read the poem. No, I'm not too young for it. Yes, I knew that it was about a guy who didn't satisfy a woman because of premature ejaculation. Only an idiot would think that you would read past the first couple of lines before you handed it to John. Yes, I'm still mad at you for messing with my school records. Yes, I will make you suffer. Mom agrees with me.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

Since you know who Shakespeare is, try Sonnet 29. Read it before you give it to him, dummy.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

I know all of this because I read.

If you want my forgiveness: Godiva and lots of it.

Mads

* * *

Dear Soon to Be Uncle John:

Uncle Mer doesn't appreciate subtlety. Don’t leave the Illustrated Gay Kama Sutra on his pillow with a note that says "From John." You hit him over the head with it, drag him to your room, and then tell him that you don't think he's smart enough to do your favorite position in the book. Personally, I think the Butterfly would be lovely, especially if Major Lorne was involved. I think that the Crab would hurt Uncle Mer's back. No one wants to hear that kind of complaining, even if it would be epic.

I sent him a copy of Sonnets from a Portuguese. Pretend to be enamored when he reads them to you. 

Your Soon to Be Niece Mads

* * *

Dear Soon to Be Uncle John:

Didn't you know? We geniuses are supposed to be _precocious_. Also, slash! (link) I turn 18 in 15 months and 8 days. If you care, you may giftwrap Major Lorne for me.

Shall I have Mom start looking into wedding venues for you?

Your Soon to Be Niece Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:  
cc: Soon to Be Uncle John:  
cc: Mother

Mother says that I'm to apologize for "breaking" Soon to Be Uncle John. Frankly, if he's that sensitive that a few helpful pieces of advice are capable of "breaking" him after over a decade of Uncle Mer, then he's entirely too sensitive for this family and needs some toughening up.

Also, I resent the implication that I'm a mini-Mer. I have incredible taste in Romantic poets. Uncle Mer wouldn't know a Coleridge from a Keats.

Soon to Be Uncle John, I apologize for breaking you with my inappropriate reference to gay man-sex positions and my appreciation for Major Lorne. I do not apologize for the link as, frankly, who could be more Stony than Soon to Be Uncle "Captain America" John and Uncle "Ironman with a Receding Hairline and the Unfortunate McKay Mouth" Meredith? This is why I ship Phil and Clint in MCU, Mother, not Stony. Uncle Mer would so come out of a cave in Afghanistan with a weaponized suit of armor powered by an arc reactor stuck in his chest. Though, if Soon to Be Uncle John were to dress in a Captain America costume, there is an appreciative, and rather sizable, audience available at my residence hall.

Mads

* * *

Dear Uncle Meredith:

That was a lot of Godiva. You're forgiven.

You're a poet with physics; don't try to be a poet with poetry. 

Mads

PS f(x)=(1-(|x|-1)^2)^1/2, g(x)=arccos(1-|x|)-pi ([Click here to see in not-math.](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/muffiewrites/5626603/8616/8616_900.jpg))


End file.
